a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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