Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
