these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
