I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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