I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
