would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
