I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
