Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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