I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
