So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
