they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
