dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
