I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
