Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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