all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
