I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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