a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
