if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
