You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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