wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
