If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
