This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
