I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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