The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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