What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
