I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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