its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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