Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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