I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
