For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
