i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
