There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
