there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
