i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
