this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
