I just made out with a guy for $7.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
