I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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