I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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