Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
