there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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