you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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