Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
