Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
