Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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