You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
