My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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