Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
