mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
