just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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