I puked a lego.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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