She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
