I could make wine with my vomit
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
