nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
