Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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