Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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