wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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