I faked an abortion last night.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
