I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
